Tell-tale heart

Have I introduced you to Jeremy yet?  Didn't think so.  About 2 years ago, I moved to a Jackson, Mississippi for a 3 month internship, and was trying to branch out and make friends quickly.  So, one of my friends from DC connected me to a friend of hers from college, Jeremy.  Jeremy quickly invited me to ultimate frisbee and other random events, which was so nice.  Turns out he's a fun guy- so we went on a few dates (and he's super connected to the social scene in Jackson).

Jeremy told me up front that he was leaving Jackson in February (about 5 weeks after I'd arrived).  On top of this, Jeremy mentioned that he was just fresh out of a long relationship.  Ok, so I think this may just be a few week fling, he's rebounding and let's say I'm rebounding from the DC guys too.  Problem: I start to really like this guy- a traveler, artistic, fun, always paid for our dates, laid back but smart... We had fun together - like this one afternoon, we built a blanket fort at his house and watched movies under it all afternoon.  I knew I was headed for disaster, but you know when you just know and don't care?

But there are always those signs, right?  Right near the end, Jeremy had been really busy for the past week - meaning I hadn't heard from him in almost any form (text, email, call, nada).  Then on Thursday, he sends me some excuse email about how he's so busy with work - right, I remember this from He's just not that into you (the book, which is way better than the movie) - if he wants to see you, he'll make it happen.  He doesn't seem to be making it happen, but again - I had already known this was going to end, so I put on my best casual no worries attitude.

Then on the Saturday there was a big goodbye shindig for Jeremy at his big group house- I figured I should go and say goodbye, even if things had cooled off recently.  Plus his friends are fun, even if he'll be busy saying goodbye to everyone.  Well, I played it cool but Jeremy would barely look at me the whole evening.  And then he started dancing with this exchange student.  Not positive.

So at the end of the night, I tell him goodbye - and he says, "Listen - you know how I'm going on vacation next week?  I'm going with my ex.  This (our fling) was pretty unexpected for me."  Right.  Still he will not look at me.  I tell him, "This was pretty unexpected for me as well.  What about this other girl, I thought you were into her?"  He says, "That's something I have to figure out when I get back too."  But then as I was leaving, I saw them slipping off into his room.  How's that figuring out going for ya?  This is about how I felt:

I have this thing - I guess it's pride- I will not fight for anybody.  You come to me, and if you are undecided make up your damn mind, and then talk to me.  Maybe it's self-protection, or maybe it's stupidity - but I know I'm worth something, and if one guy can't see it, then someone else out there will.  I'm not sure why we crazy humans keep hoping when all the odds have not historically been in our favor, but here we are.