Extra Baggage?

I recently received a message from a guy who's currently separated. Red Flag #1. Although he looked cute, he also looked very wasted in all his profile pictures. Red Flag #2. His profile stated he lived in Washington state. The next day he was listed as living in NYC. His message said not to be thrown by that because he actually lives in rural, VA. Flag#3=rural,VA. He didn't want to "turn up in local searches" which is why he was not listing his home in VA. Flag #4= what kind of shady drama does this dude have going on?

Another guy was listed as Divorced. His profile went into great detail about his wife cheating on him and that's why he is divorced and he wanted to be very upfront about his lying, cheating ex since clearly no one wants to date a divorced man. The red flag for this one wasn't the divorce or the cheating ex. It was the fact that he clearly hasn't worked through this.

Men-We ladies don't want a fixer-upper. We all have baggage but you got to work on it.....probably before joining a dating site.

To Be Mine or....not?

I met a guy online and we exchanged a few emails. Very basic-What brought you to DC? Where are you from?, etc. Then he disappeared. No biggie-we hadn't even made it to a first date.

Then exactly 10 days after the most recent email he sends me this:

Hi Princess Park,

Sorry for the slow response. Haven't been on here in a while. Valentines came along, had a great date, brought a ring, proposed. Now, I'm back here.

hahaha what?! I have SO many questions but since I am clearly a consolation prize for this guy, I'm not even going there.

Not your average Christmas Gift

This is the headline of a profile who emailed me...because i would respond to this?

I got a sweater for Christmas ... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner ;)~

seriously?

Message Received Loud and Clear

I just received this message on match from a less than attractive person as the first contact:

:)
Sweetheart,

Don't make any plans tonight for Valentines Day (or cancel the ones you already have). Taking you out for a very nice/romantic dinner this evening! :)

xoxo

Matt

phone number

um.....no. no thank you.
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picket fences

See, the thing about boundaries is this: if you have too many of them, they are actually walls. But if you use them wisely, they can protect you. The thing about other people's boundaries is - if you don't respect them, you totally suck. Boundaries should be somewhere between as menacing as a tall barbed wire fence and as wussy as a short pile of rocks. something like a picket fence.

Jason* and I met on the roof at Marvin's, out with some friends from work. It was a beautiful summer night, and we were ripped by the time he and his friends showed up. I believe he twirled me around a few times, and I thought his Ghanaian accent was dreamy. We traded phone numbers, and set up a time to meet... we also exchanged texts the next day (Saturday). He asked me out to dinner on Sunday, so we went to Cafe St. Ex. I wasn't sure I'd recognize him, but the first hot African who walked in the door, I knew it was him. I got a burger, he got a salad. We had some fun conversation, I felt totally at ease. Jason walked me home, and was lingering outside my house when he looked up and saw my roommate peeking out the window!! Thanks a lot, Val.

Second date, Jason took me to a Cava, a greek restaurant on Capitol Hill, lots of seafood tapas... I think he had asked me if I liked seafood, which I do in small doses. His car was acting up, and every time either of us opened the door the alarm went off. Hilarious.

Later that week I ran into Jason at Marvin's again (eeek!), ditched my friends, and hung out with Jason. Later that week, he took me to Kellari - another seafood place... that had a giant ice bowl full of fish with the heads still on. Jason insisted on walking over to the ice bowl and picking a fish out personally. A little awkward.

The other thing about boundaries, is that if I put them out there - explain them clearly multiple times... I expect that they'll be honored or respected or at least paid some form of attention to. Jason wasn't interested in that, so we parted ways.

all the right signs

You know how there's always that one guy that you think "Nah, this will never work," but secretly you know if it did work - this could be someone really special? Well. I had gotten a message from Allen,* but I was on the verge of not responding because he lives out in Front Royal. bad sign. That's far out, people, even if he is super cute. But my friend Rebecca was visiting (and helping me decide whom to write back to), and she recognized him as a friend of a friend (good sign)... and insisted that I message him back. So we exchanged a couple of messages, and finally he mentioned he would be in town to visit friends and we set up an afternoon brunch date. He was already drinking a bloody mary when I walked in... we ate some delicious brunch at Martin's Tavern, although he complained about his eggs not being fully cooked. (bad sign) We got coffee afterwards, and I ran an errand (seriously, it was necessary). good sign. Then I was on my way to my roomie's birthday dinner - all gal pals. Allen really wanted to come. good sign. By this time, we'd been chatting and flirting for about 5 hours, so I told him we should probably put a boundary around the date and say goodnight. bad move, Penny?

We exchanged some texts, and I mentioned I'd be out in Front Royal for a birthday party in a couple of weeks. Allen said, "Great, but I can drive over and take you out on a week night, if you like." good sign.

Date # 2, Allen has driven in from Front Royal to take me salsa dancing. good sign. We went to Lima restaurant in Macpherson square, ate dinner and drank mojitos. At one point I mentioned one of the appetizers was 'amazing, like a party in my mouth.' Allen said, "Am I invited?" um, no. He also asked me if my hips lie. twice. Guys, why must you be so cheesy? bad sign. Well, Allen was a bit tuckered out from his drive and said he'd rather go to a movie than dance, so we went to see Haywire. It was terrible. But not so terrible that we didn't cuddle up during and a little bit afterwards. good sign.

Then I mentioned that I'm going to be on a pretty rigorous work/travel schedule over the next 6 months. I know, bad sign. But Allen says, "Oh wow, well maybe we can be penpals." illegible sign! So we talked a little more, and he said, "Well, I think we should definitely keep hanging out until you leave." good sign (which made the last sign a bit more intelligible?). We said goodnight, and Allen had already told me he was into a pretty rough week for work, so I knew not to expect to hear much from him that week.

By Saturday, I was in Front Royal for a birthday party, and I still hadn't heard a word. bad sign? Maybe not? That day, he sent me a text that said something like, "Super busy, project is due today, wish me luck." Sure, I wished him luck. I also silently wished he would be free to go on another date... but that's the last I've heard from Allen. Bummer.